Sunday, April 20, 2008

WARNING: it's a little heavy

So with the turn of events over the last few months at work, I have felt as though I have entered another state of limbo. I feel that I have found myself in this state a few times over the last 5-10 years (yes, my 10 year high school reunion is this summer - I don't know how that is possible). I have always pushed passed this "phase" and found success in the next step. I think it's just become more difficult to feel that I'm making progress in any one direction and that I'm not just hopelessly treading water.

High school was a fairly smooth transition - it was pretty clear that once you graduated from high school, college was the next step. College was a great step! I loved all of the new people I met and the independence I gained. I enjoyed my classes (mostly) and the unique experience I had in traveling through Europe.

College graduation was a bit more difficult, perhaps I should've extended my studies for another year and looked for a bit more direction (aka - marketable skills). If I had a dime for everytime I was asked what I planned to do with my Art History degree I wouldn't need to be looking for a new job. But hindsight is 20/20 and I was off to Phoenix after enjoying the comforts of home for a few months.

Three years in Phoenix flew by with some good work experience, great friends and wonderful family relationships. Within about 3 months of looking for a change and 2 weeks after learning of a job opportunity, I was back in Utah - a place I really thought I would never find myself living again. Amazingly, the last year and a half has passed fairly quickly with great work experience and friendships (new & re-newed). So now what? Do I find another job here in Utah? Do I venture out again & try somewhere new?

Thankfully, this weekend was our Stake Conference and the meetings were just what I needed to hear. Elder Rasband reassured us of the love that Heavenly Father has for each of us; that He knows us personally & where we are individually. I was also really impressed with the simple clarity that came from a statement made by our newly released stake president. In his final remarks to us as our steward he said, "Experience is what we get when we don't get what we want".

I think that comment is quite fitting for my life. I know there are definitely times in my life that I have been the beneficiary of exactly what I want and great experiences have come (ie., going to BYU). But I think that some of the greatest experience I have gained is through the humbling moments of realizing that I don't always know what will be best for me, that there is Someone who knows me better than I know myself.

Life sometimes feels like it's never-ending "opposite day" - the opposite of what I want or expect is what I find. But somehow, I'll figure out which direction to swim before I'm too worn from treading water.

So if anyone has some distant relation who owns a nice little Tuscan villa that's in need of a remodel, or even just an occupant, consider the plane ticket already purchased. I'm already working on the dual-citizenship!


Britt said...

That picture is so hilarious and very perfect. I love how your face is in focus and everything else is blurred. I felt that way when we first lived in Lansing-- I remember one of the first nights sleeping in our 60-year-old house, listening to sirens just a few blocks away, with nothing to protect us and our babies but the thin walls and single pane windows. I felt very vulnerable in a strange place where we didn't know anyone.
Maybe you should consider a career in writing. :)

Amanda said...

only if you're my editor... you're the only person I have asked to review my papers & willingly accepted the critique

Mark & Ashley said...

Go re-read your Patriarchal blessing. You should think about asking for a blessing, too. I would consider praying about who to ask for it from, because believe me, it can make quite a difference (if you need me to explain, email me). Don't forget that you really are loved by all of us!

Kevin said...

I loved this post!! I think we all feel (regardless of our age) what you express so beautifully. I often think the trick is to be a person of faith and to have an inherent sense of self worth and self satisfaction, while at the same time balancing with some sense of honesty our incompleteness. It is an elusive balance to achieve. All I know is that the passage of time is a glorious thing to help achieve that balance and perspective.

You have a blog fan!